THURSDAY HOLIDAY! haha

i had a fun fun day with Scarlett Hong, Lee Ye Ram, Jun Tae Ho, Mae West and Mariel Lamanero at Alabang town center.

i decided that i should really go with them, since i really really need the break, really need to get my head out of the many things i've been thinking about.

we headed out to alabang around 1pm?? right?? haha and went straight to this Korean restaurant and ate black noodles. it's supposed to make you happy and i did feel happy eating it even though it was smothered with veggies! ugh.
and then we went to ATC (which was actually my first time) and met Christine and Naryna and ANdy...
and me and my big mouth didn't realize the situation at first so i came about and blabbed about something i heard from a big bird and affected one of the people i was with...

anyway,
we saw THE UGLY TRUTH. which was really really funny!!! and has a lot of nice lines and things you should really think about..

haha! and what else.. uh, went to the coffee bean to just sit and think of what to do next. haha!
and then finally decided to go to the SKYLINE in vivere hotel in muntinlupa.
it was again my first time and the scene was beautiful...

this week was tough for me but i realized a lot of things.

before, i've been afraid of being alone
and now that i am, it's not that scary at all..

here i was feeling sorry for myself because some uncertainty came again in my life and left me hanging in thin thread.. while there was so much life could offer...

and i finally decided to just go on with everything that life offers and let's see what the morning has brought for me.:) smile lang ng smile!

I LOVE BAESA!!!

i love days like these. when all people talk about one thing, and as if every body somehow has a lot more to say than the other. (parang mas marami akong alam kesa sayo!) ahaha!
and it's when people come together to work for a cause and you really feel that you do belong!:)

during the downpour last saturday, i was sitting in my dad's hospital room and wondering when the rain would stop so that i'll be able to play tennis the following day. only to find out that it wouldn't stop until today (monday). i felt bad because of the tennis thing...
but after seeing the pool that formed for about an hour or two in front of the hospital and upon clicking the TV open and seeing the devastating news, i felt bad.

many towns in manila is not only drenched but literally SOAKED in water. and dirty water that is!
i am very very very very very thankful though that my hometown,
BAESA,CALOOCAN CITY
was untouched. maybe a few little pools in Bayanihan or in Jordan Ville but no news came up of someone lost or someone died or someone lost a house.
Baesa's not even high.

soooo, even though Baesa looks no better than any other city,
i love baesa!
and thank you thank you God for saving our house and everybody's from Baesa!
but bless those who lost theirs and their lovedones.
keep praying.

mwah!

babies are so stress free! i need them!

i have this liking for babies which is unusual since many of my friends like babies but then they never hover over them and stay with them for hours.

it's just that i feel happy and unbelievably stressfree when i am with babies.

this video in particular makes me wanna cuddle all these babies and will not get tired!!

aww i need these babies! can i borrow them?? haha!

WOAH. Philippines...

look closely to these two pictures specially the latter one...
go figure the pictures out.

honestly, we were once (or still?) considered the best english-speaking country in asia. but then what happened with our english? is it lost? is it hidden? or is it truly forgotten by many because of poverty...

i heard that poverty should never be a barrier especially when it comes to education. we have public schools. many business men and women allow undergraduates to work to save up money for education. and many of our fellow men take the opportunities for granted.

others who were given the chance to go back to school wasted their time by being impregnated by some lunatic who couldn't control his ejaculation. (hahahaah!! omg)
others prefer to grow their hair and go outside their houses with nothing but their tshirt on. haha! (omg)
others who do have the money for education waste their money time and effort doing crazy stuff just so they can prove that they are 'mature' enough to make their decisions.

haaay. Philippines. what happened.
i can't help but watch as we let our pride and honor slip from our fingers.

someone told me that i am too critical.
what would you do if you saw these pictures??
you'd probably laugh..
i did. but isn't it sad that a simple spelling can make us even more lower than we already are????

Rafael Nadal

he's hot. he's muscular. and he's winning!

He's everywhere and that just sucks.
it's not that i don't like the guy. he just keeps on picking and pinching his buttocks every time he serves..

i mean an athlete should have a mannerism that makes them lucky or at least have something to touch before they ace a serve.

But your BUTT??? cut the crap Nadal.
you spanish-speaking hunk. haha!

change your butt-pinching act and maybe i'll cheer for you.


ang kire!! haha

twirl your mind...

paola and i decided that it was time to twirl our minds..
we went to enchanted kingdom just to take out and scream out all the misery of life and all the humiliation of being rejected over and over again by people we keep on trying to hold on to...

we got so excited and almost ran towards the gates of the park.
but then we got rejected again because a small and almost unnoticeable sign said "SPACE SHUTTLE closed for the effing day"

we resorted to the 2nd best rides of the park and well yeah had a really great time together...

but then as i sit in front of my laptop tonight i can't keep wondering why money has never brought me happiness.

why do happiness seem to be an arm-length far from me, but then even if i keep on reaching i feel like it keeps on going farther away from me?

at the end of the day i still sit by myself and ask why i have become like this?

why do i feel like someone owes me happiness?
eww.

HELLO SANDARA!!! haha. i was very surprised to see her in korean news. i was also taken aback when i saw what they did to her hair in her "lollipop" video. haha!!!

anyway. we used to tease my friend paola, that she is in fact Sandara. paola used to have very chubby cheeks. haha!

anyway, go SANDARA carry mo yan! haha

(paola's photo:courtesy of edrick)

the in betweens

i was always a believer of tue love. the love you see in korean movies. in chick flicks.

and maybe because i came from a family full of love, i grew up knowing i'd find my true love in an instant..i was looking for the right kind of love, not the experience...

and when the time finally came, i thought it was for real. i immediately thought it would never be better. after the stupidity, the fidelity and loyalty, i had my first heart ache. i never thought an incident could cause your chest to be so tight. waking up and feeling that heavy feeling is and always the worst feeling in the morning. i said to myself, i don't want any of that anymore.

the heart ache left me feeling miserable. it made me feel so ugly. it left me feeling worthless.

there's nothing more pathetic than waking up thinking no one's out there wishing i was with them.

most of the time i found myself walking alone and thinking why i was that way? i decided i was going to live the life.

the next thing i knew, i was in a dance club dancing the night all the way. i remembered i never got tired. it was the first time. i fell in and out of love with every boy that came my way.. and as always, none of them wanted to stay...

then i met the perfect guy. or i thought he was.

maybe it was because of all the pain from the past that made me want to nail him down. and make him mine.

i told myself i don't want to let this go without giving a fight.

and so i thought i could make him want to stay...

and he did. for a year and 3 months.

the aftermath of my fidelty was painful.

i was not rejected of my happily ever after once or twice.

i'm starting to accept that i'd never get my happy ending nor my true love...

i still belive there's a better life waiting for me...

for the mean time i don't want to look too much forward.

im going to take one day at a time...

and feel less hurt..

there is life after the heartache. just thought you should know..:)

seeing in a different light.

today, i watched the movie for the 5th time. and i don't know why i don't get tired of it. maybe because, NEW YORK is my American Dream and yes, i have a knack for High fashion influenced by my very good friends and fashion critics, bea edrick and kervin... so yes, this movie is like a chocolate for me. comforting...

in the movie, carrie had to suffer 6 months before finding out she was still into Big. what about me?

now i am ready to move on.

im feeling the pain and lost in full blast.

and i'm surprised by how well i'm handling the situation.

i also cannot understand why i want to be reminded of the hurt..

maybe because i easily fall for him.

and if i let myself truly forget what happened, maybe somewhere in the corner of my mind,

i will come running back to him.

which i know, i would regret in time...

he doesn't want me to hold on. because he says he cannot promise me anything.

and of course just the thought of it pains my heart.

yet, pain will make you stronger. so that when you say it's over, there's no turning back...

i want to decide now whether i want this kind of set-up.

and it makes me wonder if i'm doing the right thing for both of us.

we are friends. but with the wish that somehow the love we feel for each other will keep us from moving forward.

i don't want to lie to myself because i've been lying most of the time.

i just want to free myself from this heavy feeling everytime i wake up...

i want to learn to look at him in the eye with no racing of heartbeat...

i want to see the future on a different perspective now.

there's gotta be more to life. no one said it will ever be easy.

and i'm going back to the life i had without you.

no, it's not going to be easy for me...

but a person has to move forward and not step backward...

until i decide for myself whether i need to move a step forward with or without you, i need to hold myself and take care of myself. because no one's going to do it for me....

desperate housewives

i never thought i could ever apply the principles and thoughts seen in this TV series in my life. first and foremost i am not a housewife. secondly, i find them entertaining but i don't really agree with what they're showing. since i'm not american. i have different values and beliefs.

so much so, i accidentally switched the TV to the show and exactly heard this sentence:
"Love doesn't happen to everyone."

it's BITTER and PAINFUL. and i can understand why such character is able to say that.but then, are we the right people to say such words?

isn't God's love enough for us. i mean yes, we're human, we're mortals that need love and joy and the assurance of intimacy but then is it just intimate love that surpases our lives?

but then she suddenly added that "FRIENDS" make a things a lot better.
and to that i so agree...

i don't know. mybe with this situation that i am in, i really need, ice breakers, TV SHOWS, books, sayings, to help ease my mind with everything that's going on... im too engrossed with my feelings!!! i need internet!!!!

and the heart break goes to... ME!

the Academy awards passed by with it's usual fuss and glamour. i would have sat in front of the TV for the whole time and drooled over the clothes the stars were wearing. i personally loved KATE WINSLET's gown.

but...
the guy i was in love with for a year and a quarter broke my heart.
STRIKE TWO.

february born people are losers when it comes to love.
my birthday is february 6th.

and so life must go on. my heart was once broken before and i spent 3 months wasting my life on wondering what went wrong. for a year i didn't get an answer. and so i spent a year being miserable.

when finally, MR knight in shining armor came. he swept me off my feet.
he made me feel like i never did. and i spent every waking day looking forward to seeing him for he made me really happy.

and so after a year and 3 months of spending every day with the hope of walking down the aisle with him, he told me he had fallen out of love and was seeing a new girl. could you imagine how painful it was?
after all the promises and assurances, i felt rejection, and disappointment. but i was also accomodating so many emotions then. my dad had a stroke and he was in the hospital for a week... so you know, anger did not have a place in my heart anymore.
i was so tired that day for i spent it at the hospital. i was so stressed out.

i wanted to think that this was all a nightmare. but when i woke up, no one was there to take care of me.

i got a heartbreak again. and kate winslet got an oscar.
how lucky am i?

im still waiting for my happily ever after.
but it's time for me to party once again.:)

im stuck in shit.

i don't exactly know why amidst all the things that keeps me preoccupied, i cannot help but think at the end of the day, that all of this is not worth it.
they say that even if you don't like something, you'll learn to like it when it's constantly around you.
that is not the case with me and my nursing course.
i still breathe in deeply when i face another day knowing that all that is in store for me will just be another fact that i need to put in my head, but not in my heart. i long for the things that will make me happy. and make me go on and push myself to the limits without resenting the fact that i need to enjoy and be happy of what i'm doing.

after three years, im still like this. i thought i could learn to love this profession. but i recently found out that my brain might be in tune with nursing, but my heart, i doubt it.
i've had a rough week because i needed to stay behind in our college building for our Operating room orientation. we had to learn how to be "sterile" all through out the operation, how to arrange the countless scissors, forceps, clamps and retractors. and i kept on making mistakes in my checklists. i knew that i screw things up when i do them halfheartedly. and that's what happened in all of my OR checklists. i screwed them up. and i felt so bad. because i could not put my heart in what i was doing.

and i felt worse. what if i could not even put my heart in anything that i do?

would this confession serve as a warning that i might not be a good nurse?
the surprising fact is that i do good in my clinical area. not because i think i do good, but my instructors seem to see something good in me. and sometimes that makes me smile. maybe i COULD do this. and i will try.

maybe that's what matters after all. the courage to try.

the curious letter for the unknown and never heard person...

FOR THE DUMB ASSHOLE:
i could swear right in front of you,
that i did a very bad mistake when i agreed to believe in
the things you said to me..
i did love you. and maybe i could've for a long time
but thanks to the realization that assholes like you
cannot possibly handle someone like me.
I am not someone you can just throw away.
and so you resorted to not talking to me.
and as i write this, i smile to myself thinking
that you have been such an ass to not be able to tell
right in my face that it's over.
and you never gave me warning that is was coming.

But it made me stronger. or i thought it did.
because it made me vulnerable. and i hated that.

But now that i am done being the stupid person that i used to be,
on whatever shit you gave me,
it is right here,
right now, that i'll get up and be
AS BRIGHT AS THE DAY...

goodluck to the loves of your life.
they deserve so much more
and i definitely think that can't be you.

ME and FRIENDS!

my brother and i were walking in sm when i spotted these cute and cuddly stuffed toys of Disney's Pooh and Friends. i have this friend, she's crazy with pooh. tapos each costs parang P150.00 lang!!!! super bargain!!!

but i didn't buy them kasi they'll get dusty lang in my room. haha!

anyway, im a big fan of Disney movies. when i was young i was always watching Princess films but believe it or not, i never dreamt that i was one of them. i memorized songs and conversations. maybe that's where i got my good english speaking.

so yeah, i miss these kind of films. walang harm. unlike the things children watch today...

oh goodness. im getting older. im saying these things! haha:0

be armed and fabolous for SPRING 2009

what does it take for fashion die hards to be ready and sizzling this summer 2009? let's take a look at the trends that will set the fashion wiwis to be out and throwing their fur coats and into spring colored coutoure:chanel took the paper bags as his inspiration for the year's frst bag outbreak from chanel. i remember my good fashion friend -erik- who made a bag for edrick with the "plastic sando bags" as his inspiration!! susyaL! lumeleveling!!

This is CHANEL's spring collection! i love the candy colors! we can actually wear these kind of clothing on an every day basis!!!

VALENTINO GOWNS in his 45th birthday!

she is indeed the best dressed in TV!!!:)

here is leighton meester again! haha in a audrey hepburn face that ive been trying on for quite some time. i love it.

these super-duper lovely sexy dresses by valentino are just

some of the dreams i have in mind!!! oh how i love valentino creations!!:)

what would you do, if the life you've always dreamed of, falls in front of you?

the week that i had was hell.

we were to wear our casual clothes instead of our uniforms so that we can hide that we were actually having classes... while the whole university was out there and having a grand time in the gymnasium.

my love life, was hanging. he's out there, climbing another mountain and he doesn't even have a clue that he is in fact pushing me away.

my parents are having silly thoughts. and there they are being OVERPROTECTIVE again.

i will never be an overprotective parent!

this entry is not suppost to be this messy!:0 wahahaha!

he's on the edge...

if you ask me, what kind of guy would i hate eternally? my answer would be: CHUCK BASS. he's is the most conceited guy i ever saw on TV. and he's the best! i love his accent and the stupid way he flirts with bi***s. oh yes. when i watch him, that's when i know, there are too many girls in this world that we can't entrust our guys to...

anyway, i never thought i would exactly like chuck's character. he gets what he wants. but he's so surprising.

sometimes i really don't get him....

and that is the point of creating a character like chuck.

NO matter how we try, we will never understand men. but when we think we do, then we truly like/love the men in our lives...

we need men. that's how God created us.

but, they need us more. x.o.x.o.

i love cheese!

what's that food you crave for when you're doing nothing?
me? it's CHEEEEEEEEEEESEEEEEEE! but im not a rat of course. idk when it started. cheese is so milky and yummy and all!!!hahah! alavet.
anyway, i felt like eating cheese the whole week! it was stressful and deteriorating in one! i had my clinical duty in MAMC, with our Ci who disappears. but we had our duty with interesting people. i've been in tough terms with my seniors everytime i become a junior. but the people i was with were amazing and funny!! very funny!!!

anyway. i love cheesecakes too. everybody loves cheesecakes hmm??
so yeah. this week is all about cheese. oops. i mean all about your comfort food.

when you feel like nothing is going right. you relax and try to get your comfort food and comfort yourself. it's not your cheesy boyfriend or your parents or your bitches that will make you feel better...

IT'S ALL IN THE MINDSET!!!!:) HAVE A BETTER WEEKEND..

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE HER.. haha

im on TEAM BLAIR!!!

after my much awaited CAse presentation, i decided that i needed change. the past year (2008) has been one of the toughest that i had in my entire life.

after so many days and weeks of duty and shit, i thought i was loving it, and i was even happy. but then, it hit me again. my body may be adapting to the life of a NURSING student, but my heart belongs to literature, to words and to traveling and writing. to JOURNALISM.

and so, change started when i started watching GOSSIP GIRL: your one and only source on the scandalous loves of manhattan's elite. haha

i saw how horrible my fashion was already. and my hair! omg. haha! anyway, i love blair. and how strong she is with her decisions and how esy she forgives.

i love it when i see something different. it makes me think once more before deciding.:)