seeing in a different light.

today, i watched the movie for the 5th time. and i don't know why i don't get tired of it. maybe because, NEW YORK is my American Dream and yes, i have a knack for High fashion influenced by my very good friends and fashion critics, bea edrick and kervin... so yes, this movie is like a chocolate for me. comforting...

in the movie, carrie had to suffer 6 months before finding out she was still into Big. what about me?

now i am ready to move on.

im feeling the pain and lost in full blast.

and i'm surprised by how well i'm handling the situation.

i also cannot understand why i want to be reminded of the hurt..

maybe because i easily fall for him.

and if i let myself truly forget what happened, maybe somewhere in the corner of my mind,

i will come running back to him.

which i know, i would regret in time...

he doesn't want me to hold on. because he says he cannot promise me anything.

and of course just the thought of it pains my heart.

yet, pain will make you stronger. so that when you say it's over, there's no turning back...

i want to decide now whether i want this kind of set-up.

and it makes me wonder if i'm doing the right thing for both of us.

we are friends. but with the wish that somehow the love we feel for each other will keep us from moving forward.

i don't want to lie to myself because i've been lying most of the time.

i just want to free myself from this heavy feeling everytime i wake up...

i want to learn to look at him in the eye with no racing of heartbeat...

i want to see the future on a different perspective now.

there's gotta be more to life. no one said it will ever be easy.

and i'm going back to the life i had without you.

no, it's not going to be easy for me...

but a person has to move forward and not step backward...

until i decide for myself whether i need to move a step forward with or without you, i need to hold myself and take care of myself. because no one's going to do it for me....